counting to a hundred

At BYU, it is common place to here a lot about marriage. Everywhere I go is seems there is someone engaged, newly married, or even just dating someone. At first I would look around and feel overwhelmed because I don't WANT to be in that position right now. Then I started looking around and was overwhelmed because I WANTED to be, but wasn't. Then, I started to be overwhelmed because I don't WANT to be in that position, but felt like I had to be. Overall, dating life here is a super overwhelming experience. Because, of course, the inevitable happened. Well, it was inevitable for me, others don't seem to have this problem. But it happened. Just you know, the thing that happens with me. But you see, there is a problem that a lot of "men" suffer from here.

It's called "commitment".

Either that's all they want or they want to steer as clear away from it as possible. This is the kind of thing that happens when you're in an atmosphere where everyone believes you have to secure a ticket into the celestial kingdom right now. And trust me, I find it overwhelming too. There is no socially acceptable dating medium.

But I'm all for doing things that aren't socially acceptable.

But the social world has driven away some really spectacular men from the dating world.

I see it everywhere. And here I am, in the midst of it. Staring at the back of one of those spectacular men as he runs away making me think that I don't know who he really is. Yet at the same time, he put the words in my head.

"So you go hide
And I'll come seek
Maybe someday in the middle
We just might meet
Cause I'm counting to a hundred
And I promise I won't peek"

So here I wait, for what I don't know. Someone else, divine inspiration, him, a sign. Anything. I'm just playing the waiting game. But I know one thing, everything is going to work out and there's no need to play the "feel stressed over this" game.

I'm counting to one hundred, and I promise, I won't peek.

this is the real world

My mind is running.
Sleep is hard.
So many thoughts.
So much going on.
My mind is open.
A book.
Poorly written.
Read it.
Understand.
Not much sense.
But it's what it is.