you're gonna miss this

as I pack up and prepare to leave this place

as I have already started to say my goodbyes

the country song keeps coming into my mind.

you're gonna miss this.

you're gonna want this back.

you're going to wish these days hadn't gone by so fast...

and it's true

there were many days where I wished this experience away

but I've always known that I'm going to miss it.

the people here are so real.

they are people that have taught me so much about life.

I've learned so much here.

but I guess I can learn anywhere.

it just is never going to be the same.

I may have mentioned before

or I may not have

I can never remember

but I'm really good at appreciating

things

people

and places

after they're gone.

I think the fact that I appreciate this place now

before I'm gone

might be a sign of maturity.

or not.

who knows.

but I'm glad that I love this place.

I've learned so much,

I was going to make a post on all the things I've learned.

but it was too hard.

just know

I've learned so much.

I love this place.

it will always hold a place in my heart.

and as much as I've had my hard times.

that's what has made it an adventure.

and that is what life is all about.

As a beginning freshman in college, I did not go through the same traditions as others.

I chose to not live in a dorm or with people my age.

I chose to not go to orientation and to just have my brother show me where my classrooms were.

I had worked the whole summer with sixty other BYU students.

I had friends.

I had people to help me make it through a rocky first semester.

But I also had only one friend my age.

As a freshman in college,

You need freshmen friends.

Friends going through the same scary, embarrassing, exhilarating moments as you.

I desperately needed those friends.

And with some hard work and patience.

Two girls took me into their circle.

Through our first semester, we saw each other five days a week.

We were there for each other for every freshman moment.

As the second semester started,

I only got to see one of them, three days a week.

She and I never really got along at first.

But by the end of the semester,

We needed each other.

We went through everything together that semester:

Dating, boys, first kisses, break ups, new jobs, new places to live.

Every time we saw each other we had some important news.

Then she got engaged.

Then, on Friday.

She got married.

She looked so happy.

They both looked so happy.

They looked scared.

Going into the unknown.

But they had hope in their eyes.

Because they had each other.

I know that's a tad sappy.

But that's what they looked like.

As I left their wedding reception,

I took off my shoes and got an overwhelming feeling of how lucky I am.

I felt so strongly of the freedom I always crave.

I felt like I was unstoppable.

Which is strange,

because most times events like weddings remind me how alone I am.

But I felt amazing.

I just couldn't help but run.

I ran and breathed in the clean air.

I felt the breeze in my face and the concrete under my feet.

I felt so alive.

It was impulsive.

It was crazy.

But it was everything I needed.

And I loved it.

Because I am young,

I am alive.

And I am incredibly free.