you can either give up, give in, or give it your all...

I often think back on life. Not so much as to dwell on the past, but more so to recall what I thought my future would be like. 

As I remember my ambitions, my secret desires and my sincerest hopes at different times in my life, I wonder what I was really like back then. I feel as if not much has changed about me. Yet those ambitions, desires, and hopes have all become much different.

I never imagined college life. Sure, I imagined getting a degree, and it's true, I imagined getting married at some point. But growing up, college was this giant roadblock between being a kid and living my dreams. I understand now that it's necessary. That I probably should have mentally prepped more for this time in my life. It's a time to take chances. A time when nothing is sure. A time for adventures. And a time to make choices that will determine the rest of your life.

What I use to expect of myself is now just a fleeting moment in the past. You can never plan your life. Well, I guess some people do. Some people know exactly what they want and do all they are capable of to achieve it. 

That was never me.

I never knew what I wanted.

A gymnast?

An artist?

A computer animator?

A psychiatrist?

A forest ranger?

A musician?

A math teacher?

At each time each of these "phases" came. I truly believed that was my calling in life. That is what I was truly talented at and able to do. Sometimes I like to think that I could have done any of those things. If I had really put my mind to it. What if I had just given up on these things?

And then I remember  that I don't want any of those things anymore.

I was discussing dreams and ambitions with a friend the other day and I mentioned how I can't even imagine why I ever thought I wanted to do something different than what I have planned now.

And I think that's what it's suppose to be like.

The way I see it, you can either give up on your dreams, give in to other people's dreams for you, or give your dreams all you have to give.

But you have to give.