Still I Call it Magic

"It is better to be trusted than to be loved"

Recently, I went through an experience and I tried to classify it as heartbreak, but that was foolish of me. What really happened was that I felt like I had been betrayed. I felt like I trusted someone so much and it all fell apart. I had too much trust and now it just feels like a lie. It hurt so much more than any heartbreak and it's been harder to recover from than anything I could imagine.

I wish I could define trust. I wish I could understand it better. I wish I could say that trust is tangible and measurable. I think trust is so much more than honesty and truth. I think trust is your expectation of a person. It's how much and what you believe the person is capable of doing in your life.

It is when a person discontinues to meet these expectations that things fall apart. The person no longer becomes capable of all that you believed they were. And that's when trust fails us.
Trust is such a personal thing. It's choice that each of us has to make for each person we meet. It's something that we create, that we each define differently. It's a feeling.

I put too much trust in one person. It's not his fault that it hurt when it all fell apart. It's my fault, because I was the one who set those expectations. And that's the hard part. Knowing that I made it possible, and that I could do it again. Because it is the trust I had that hurt me so much, I'm scared out of my mind to trust again. But the pain is going away. The trust that I felt was broken before is being strengthened again simply because the love that I had is stronger than one person's mistakes. Than my mistakes.

And that's beautiful.

People can do much good when they feel trusted. People are able to see what they are capable of when we see it for them and show it. It's incredible. Trust is worthwhile, it can strengthen us. We can't stop trusting.

So I don't know if trust is better than love. I think they're interconnected. I think they build on each other. That's just what I think, but what I know is that it's all going to be okay.

"And if you were to ask me

after all we've been through -

Do I still believe in magic?

Yes I do.

of course I do"