the best(bastion) thing that's ever been mine

I hate to admit it, but I enjoy Taylor Swift's music. I don't think it's a fad thing, I think that I genuinely like her music. One thing that she always has right is that she's real. Any girl could relate to Taylor's lyrics. Most people would see that as a negative quality because it seems like she's writing about cliche things. But really, she's writing about her own life and I hate to say this, but most girls feel and experience the same things in their lifetimes. Her new song is entitled, "Mine". The music video came out and the song is portrayed as a beautiful story of a girl who is afraid of love because of her parent's divorce and then her actually falling in love and living a life with someone that will never leave her.

Now, how can I even closely relate to that?

It turns out that the song is actually about how she had been on a few dates with a boy and the moment that he put his arm around her, she saw a whole life with him pass before her eyes. Now this, this is something that 90% of girls can relate to.

My roommate and I were once discussing with some male folk how girls feel when they meet a new guy. Most girls when just learning a boy's name immediately start envisioning what their life would be like together. It's not even based on feelings really. It's just the idea of endless possibilities that really sparks a girls imagination. Every what if can be answered with another what if and eventually, a whole life is planned with this guy who you really don't know. At all.

So now every time I meet a new interest of the male persuasion, I continue to let my imagination run wild and I think about the endless possibilities, because I'll never know if he might just be the best thing that's ever been mine. Oh Taylor Swift, I wish I wasn't so okay with your music narrating my life.

[[YES, YES! I can see it now...]]

I am a Jerk

"No. Not cool. My friends. I get to do what I want with them and they like me better because I"m a person with my own personality and a sense of humor. She can't be herself because, "herself" is not as "popular" as she'd like to be, and she's an "actor", it's easy for her to be someone else. Even if that someone else is me. I'm not flattered, she doesn't play the role of me well. I am fantastic."

....


I actually said that about someone, the thief of my identity. I am a terrible person. I feel like I should go repent now. But then I remember, that's how I actually feel.

In case you thought I was a great person, you should know the truth, I suck. I am not fantastic. I am an independent girl and I know who I am, but I'm selfish and I think there should only be one me.

[[Yeah...love me or hate me, I'm still shinin']]

The House that Built Me

This weekend I went home. It was the best consecutive four days, well five days, because Wednesday was pretty good too, that I've had in a long long time. Then I came back to Provo and probably had one of the worse days that I've ever had in my life. You see, when you ditch two days of classes and then come back to realize that you have two midterms you HAVE to take on Monday, life is not fun. But I made it, I'm still alive, and hey- dropping out of college is not too bad of an idea right?

Long story short, going home was so worth it. I felt like a movie star when I showed up to the football game and my name was yelled across the crowd. I loved seeing my cousin and my twins. I loved harassing my little brother from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. I also loved not having any responsibilities or having to make my own food. I got to gossip like a little girl again, but also show people that I'd grown up, and also see how others had grown up. When I think about it, it feels like I've been gone forever, but it's really only been like, five months. The longest five months of my life I think. But overall I got to see all of my friends and I really didn't want to leave, ever.

But once I think about it, coming back wouldn't be nearly as fun if I never left.

I'm back in Provo right now, life couldn't be more of a mess. But the thing about messes is that they can be cleaned up. Time to be a grown up again. Time to study, find a job, be a good friend, be a good roommate, and to adjust to people that don't know me like my friends back home do. I've been rejuvenated and remember who I am now. Now it's time to keep that in mind and become who I need to be. Life is confusing, it's hard, it's never perfect, but it's life, and I'm suppose to live it.

[[here we go (again)]]

I am a Writer

My roommate and I decided that we were going to watch a movie and manage to be productive, just to prove that we could in fact, watch a movie AND be productive. For me, it was a success, I don't know so much about her. But all in all, the thing that helped me the most was the choice of movie. We watched Julie and Julia. I am completely impassioned, if that's even a word, about everything.

This movie, isn't just about cooking and good food. It's not even about the life of two women whose lives were completely different but connected through the love of food. These are all wonderful things. These are wonderful truths, yet there is another theme. It's about a woman finding her life, and regaining her confidence in her talent of writing. It's about a writer, learning that it's okay to write.

I love to write, thus the blog. I love the way words can be strung together. I have always thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a talent. At one point in my life, I wanted to be a writer. It was a dream. It's a dream for most people I believe.

I have other passions though. I am in love with the language of mathematics, it makes my life make more sense. Photography makes me feel so alive, I sometimes find I can't explain it. Soccer gives me reason for breath, while on the field, it is my only care in the world. Sitting in front of a piano, I feel as if I can conquer the world. Playing the trumpet, I feel like I already have. It is easy to feel passionate about so many things. I don't even have to be talented in these things, and I can assure you that I am not, but I feel for them feelings of such love and devotion that I cannot simply choose which I can love more.

I don't think I've ever felt this way for writing. But I realize now, that writing is my passion. It is not my only passion. I have decided firmly that I want to do math, everyday, for the rest of my life. To get into BYU, I wrote an essay on why I found math was one the most central parts of my creativity. As I wrote that essay, I realized that math was my calling in this life. But today, I realized that in finding my passion for math, I realized that it must take a lot of talent to write about creating things by simply solving a math equation.

Each time I finish writing something, I feel a sense of accomplishment that I do not often feel in my life. There are very few things that make me feel as writing does. It may not be my strong point, and let's be honest, I don't know what my strong point might be. But there is one thing for certain.

I am a writer.

[(never give up on what you truly love to do)]

Spare Change

As a unemployed college student, life is hard. Money is hard to come by, and let's be honest, I'll do anything for free food. My roommates and I call it "food whore-dom." Free food is pretty much the best thing that could happen in a day.

Knowing that college was coming soon, last year I started to save quarters for laundry. It turns out that you don't need quarters, you need large bills to put money on your laundry card. It's actually kind of obnoxious, because now I have a ton of quarters that in all reality are useless for anything else I ever will need money for. Let's face it, the use of coins and even currency is kind of a dying practice in today's world.

At this moment you may be thinking to yourself, "Nice points, but they're not really related."

WRONG

Because I don't need all those quarters and I do need food, the quarters have gone to my emergency craving budget. Like last night, I was REALLY craving cookies. So, I walked to the little grocery store across the street, and used three beautiful quarters to pay for some Grandma's cookies. I am looking very much forward to the future use of this spare change.

The food may not be free. But for some reason, I don't feel so bad about buying it.

.:Forget your coins, I want CHANGE:.

Fearless

On Monday, it stormed a glorious storm. My friends and I were enjoying root beer floats as it started to rain, and when we finished, it was pouring. So we went out to enjoy it. And we pretty much went insane. We danced all through the complex and then had the great idea to take pictures. It was a most wonderful photo shoot in the pouring rain. I was so happy, I wanted to fly! I told so many people that I had fulfilled my dreams and danced in the rain.

The rain does funny things to people, there is just something about it. The smell, the wet feel, the cold, the constant feel of something different. Well, maybe it's just me. I love the rain. It reminds me of home. It makes me feel warm, even in the coldest of rains.

Today, it rained again, I was with a friend. I didn't keep some of my promises to my friends and dance again. But we did walk a long walk and just let it rain. It was wonderful. I love the rain. I love life in the rain. I want it to rain forever.

[[There's something about the way the street looks when it's just rained]]

My Favorie Letter

I realize that my most previous blog post could have been a little misleading. As much as I generally like the Media Center, it is not actually my favorite spot on campus, just my favorite spot in the library. In all reality, my absolute favorite place on campus is the math lab. I adore it there. I love it. I love getting help and helping others and the sound of people talking math. It’s like heaven, well, it’s what my heaven will be like. I love math.

Once I was in an Aca-Deca interview and my interviewer asked me why in the world I would want to be an accountant. I responded, “Because I love numbers and I want to use them every day for a long time....and I don’t like science.” It’s that simple. I just like numbers. I like it when an equation works out perfectly and all the work that is organized between answer and problem, it’s like a release.

One of the other things that I somewhat strongly appreciate about mathematics is it’s glorification of the letter x. Think about words and everything in life and the neglect of the little x. Math give x purpose, it gives it meaning. Consequently, x is my favorite favorite favorite letter. I love it. Most people don’t have a favorite letter; they may even find that a person with a favorite letter is kind of strange.

But let’s face it…I’m strange. And there’s just no getting around it.

[[hmm...nothing to do? I'll go hang out in the Math Lab]]