A Scam and an Addiction

Today, I spoke to a boy who honestly thought that conserving energy was a scam.

Call me crazy, but I don't really see the scam in not blowing up mountains in the south. I don't really seem the scam in simply not using our resources in excess, moderation in all things, yes?

When I was young, there was a population boom in California, and along with the increase in people came a decrease in energy. There seemed to be the thought that if the citizens did not take immediate action, their children and grandchildren would be left in a world of darkness.

There were presentations at school, commercials during normal tv hours, and stories on the evening news of the importance to save our futures and the well-being of the environment. I remember building a strict habit to turn off lights as soon as I left the room, to maybe instead turn on a lamp. Fancy light bulbs were sold as elementary school fund raisers to help save energy for the world. There were so many things that I did not understand then and still don't really understand now. For instance, I have no idea where our energy came from. But I knew that I needed to save it.

I can assure you, that saving energy did not do any bad for the state of California. Yet for some reason, people don't seem to believe that energy needs to be conserved.

I still have the habits that came with the California Energy Crisis (which I did research and is somewhat related to the downfall of Enron, as most things are).

Some people find them annoying, such as my roommate who is probably reading this. Now she understands why I have no problem sitting in a room that is dimly lit (but lit all the same) and function perfectly fine without really thinking twice about the lighting in the room. There was just a point in my life where my brain was programmed to not want the lights on, and even so much that I don't like lights on, I just don't think they're necessary.

Certain individuals, like the boy in my class, would say that I had been BRAINWASHED into this. But you know, I don't think I was, but if I had been, I'm glad. But I'm happy for my habits. I like that I turn everything off all the time. I like that I get annoyed by unnatural lighting. There is honestly few things that bother me more.

I prefer the sunlight.
The pure energy that I can enjoy.

I prefer the moonlight and starlight.

The beauty that comes with it.

I'm beginning to wonder if I really even care about energy or going green. I think I've simply turned into a person addicted to the sun and whatever I can do to have more of it in my life, I will do so.

and in the midst of this winter, the midst of this "scam", my addiction is not making a fight for itself.

come back mr.sun

close to you

for some reason I have a hard time believing some of the studies done about people. why is it that we are SO obsessed for finding reasons for everything. why is it that a person has to look at a drawing to understand how they feel. people have been thinking and feeling just fine without explanations behind anything for generations.

there's so much that we'll never know.

so much that stupid studies will never explain.

and as I say this, I believe I am putting down half of my peer's major, but really. life is so much easier for those who are not analyzing thought, but actually analyzing through thought. for I am sure each person in this world has been through enough to have a therapist.

for I am sure a therapist would love to dissect my life.

but I will not let them. by nature, I am a problem solver. there is no need for someone to tell me what's wrong and how to fix it.

and if I needed to talk to someone about something, I'd go to my friends. not a random stranger who understands me based on a few surveys and studies.

it's been a long week.
that's all.

the part that can't be put on paper

My roommates thought it'd be fun to draw their "brains" on our windows. It is interesting to see all the stuff that simply goes on in the head of those around you. Although when looking at the depictions every suspicion I've ever had about left handed people thinking differently has been confirmed. What my roommates chose to depict were lots of things I'd never even think of as the goings on in my brain.

Tonight a boy was walking by and stopped and looked at the window and then came inside to inquire about it. One of my roommates and I informed him that it was a depiction of the brains of two of our other roommates. He stopped and looked a little more at the window and said quite honestly,

"Where's all the ----- well, you know ----- the confusing stuff?"

My roommate and I looked at each other and laughed responding that the confusing stuff could never be put down on paper.

this made me think

why couldn't my roommates just write down the confusing things? were they afraid? could they not put it into words? was it actually difficult for them? or did they just want to keep those kind of things secret? I think that's what makes me different. If someone told me to depict my brain. I would include EVERY bit of the messy confusing parts that even I don't fully understand. It is because it's so confusing that it's such a big part of what is going on. A depiction of my brain would not form full complete comprehensive thoughts. Just words and happy pictures that come to mind. The truth is, the confusing stuff can be put down on paper.

But it's still going to be confusing.

after laughing about the insanity of a woman's train of thought, my roommate got a text and started freaking out. She started to explain, but couldn't put into words that the boy could understand, but words that I understood perfectly. But as she was running out of the room to grab her shoes, the boy said,

"this is the part that can't be put on paper."

anxiously engaged

two of my best friends are embarking on adventures that are going to last each them an eternity

my happiness and love for each is so great it cannot be worded

I fell asleep on my couch last night. It reminded me of all those nights in high school when I had done the same. I had a lot to think about a lot to reminisce.

a lot of unknown.

a lot of happiness.

maybe one day, life will be an adventure for me.

maybe one day-

someone will feel this great amount of happiness for me.

but for now-

I get to feel this amazing amount of happiness for two people I love dearly.

for now-

that is all I really want anyway.

so life, and friends-

bring on the happy times.